I keep hearing it over and over…
“I’m stuck”
“I feel lost”
“I just want to KNOW what to do”
Well, here it is, Friends!
3 Steps to Work Though Unresolved Feelings and FINALLY figure out what to do:
Step 1: Untangle and identify your feelings:
After big changes, it’s common to hear women talk about being upset, but not knowing why it’s so awful. If you’ve ever felt like that, you probably pushed those feelings under the rug to deal with later. It’s like you think you can wait it out, just give it time to pass, as if there was a storm overhead. But while you’re avoiding the issue, nothing more can change. Which means the only solution is to dig into it.
When relationships end, it’s easy for anger and sadness to fuse together into a tight knot. You need to take some time to tease these apart, find the right words, and describe what’s so awful, awkward or hard.
To do that, ask yourself, “Where does it hurt?” and “What’s the worst part of it?” Taking the time to focus on the feelings that you have and figure out what hurts the most is the only way to move beyond that general feeling of being upset, empty, or lonely.
Step 2: Understand what you really need:
Other times, women know exactly what hurts them the most, but they get trapped in a blame cycle. It’s not uncommon for break ups to stir up old, deep, ugly wounds. So then they think, ‘What happened was my fault; maybe I deserve to be mistreated or neglected’ or ‘ He’s right, I am unloveable/stupid/worthless/fill-in-the-blank’… these thoughts mean they’re not avoiding, rather they’re caught beating themselves up about something related to the relationship.
If you feel like you’re trapped in a cycle of the same old sad story, like you’ve been here before, you’re stuck at this step. To get unstuck, ask yourself, “What do I most deeply need?”
Consider your deeper, existential needs, what you need to flourish as a human? These might be “I need to feel like I matter,” “I need to feel lovable,” “I need to feel like I have dignity,” or “I need to feel that someone knows the real me.”There’s a good chance that your need and your relationship’s end are in active conflict with each other — for example, “I need to feel valuable, but our divorce make me feel like I’m disposable.” It’s in this contradiction, where change starts to happen. Even if you don’t feel entitled to it, spell it out.
Step 3: Revisit the relationship’s end and look at what was lost:
The final step requires you to go back to how the relationship ended. Look at what stings and at what you lost, and work through these feelings. This can be tricky because it often means tapping into and expressing anger and sadness, which are challenging emotions to handle well.
Working through grief fully means saying goodbye to both the good things and the potential. It’s not just that you’ll never vacation together again, it may be the loss of children who will never be born.
To get unstuck: Ask yourself, “What do I resent?”, “What do I miss?” and “What dreams and hopes do I need to say goodbye to?”
These aren’t easy questions to ask or easy answers to absorb, and exploring them can take effort and time. But it’s a critical part of working through a relationship’s end. And vital to be able to move forward and onto future relationships.
If you want to rid your life of unfinished relationship business, working through your emotions plays a huge role in your relational journey. By processing our emotions – and shifting our beliefs – we can reach our goals much faster AND ensure long-term changes take effect.
In my 9 week online program, I focus heavily on emotion regulation exercises that will help you change what you believe about your worth, your thoughts, body image, and your LIFE.
If you are ready to change your mindset, your beliefs around relationships and sex, to grow your relational abilities, and achieve the loving relationship you deserve, then APPLY for a strategy call:
https://www.myrelationshipwin.com/ss
With Love and Light,
Lindsey
